Why don't I drink?

I couldn't tell you how many times I've been asked that question. You would think though, that I would have had enough practice trying to answer it by now that I could offer a decent explanation. The truth is, most of the time the answer to that question escapes even me. I think the reason used to be that I've always been "the responsible one". I never break rules...I go out of my way to avoid conflict. Refraining from drinking was just part of that role. I think the reason has changed somewhat though. Not drinking is part of my innocence. Sometimes, in fact most of the time, it feels like the only part of my innocence that is left and I cling to it like my life depends on it. I have done things that I am not proud of. I've lost my virginity...I've hooked up. I have had unsafe sex (something I will never do again). I've lied to my parents. I've lied to myself. (it feels good to admit these things, but please don't hold them against me). I guess it feels like not drinking is something that I can be proud of...and I'm afraid that if I discontinue that there will be nothing left.

A lot of times when I'm driving by myself, especially at night, I have the urge to just slam the gas pedal to the floor. To drive as fast as I can to somewhere far away. The destination doesn't matter, I just want to fly down the road and not look back. I would never do something like this though...speeding is against the law...so it wouldn't be responsible.

I hate being lonely. I hate leaving school, a friend's, or a party, because I don't want to go home and be alone. I can deal with being alone, but I wish it didn't happen so often. A lot of the time I just want someone to sit with, to cuddle with, to make out with, or just to be around, but don't get the wrong idea...I won't cuddle or make out with just anyone, it has to be the right person.

You Have A Type B+ Personality
B+

You're a pro at going with the flow
You love to kick back and take in everything life has to offer
A total joy to be around, people crave your stability.

While you're totally laid back, you can have bouts of hyperactivity.
Get into a project you love, and you won't stop until it's done
You're passionate - just selective about your passions