It's been awhile (again)

So I managed to pull off the Pai Mei costume for halloween (well actually the day before halloween and early halloween morning) and I wore it to Sohaila's party. Here's a pic-->

Anyway, I know it's been awhile but not much has really happened. Nothing exciting anyway. I studied hard for the SAT II Subject Tests (Writing, Math Level 2, Chemistry) and got "ok" scores. I signed up to take the chemistry and math tests agian but experienced extreme anxiety bordering on panic attacks the entire time I studied for them (for the second time). During the first test (chemistry) my brain shut down and a didn't do well at all, so I left without taking the math test.

I've been working on my college applications ever since then. I've even spent the past few days of Christmas Break at school working with one of my teachers on it. It's getting really close to the deadline and I'm still not done with my essay 0.o which makes me a little worried. My mother is extremely worried and she lets me know every 30 mintues (not an exaggeration). She can be a bit overbearing and it stresses me out. My interview with an Alumnus of Rice went quite well and I still have an upcoming interview that my dad set up with someone on the Board of Admissions.

In regards to the comment I made three posts ago about being desparate for a physical relationship, I made a decision sometime earlier tonight that I was just going to ignore it (coincidentally just hours before I read the comment D.J. on the previously mentioned post). I decided that I just don't want to be that person. I am lonely, but I really want any relationship enter from this point to be meaningful. I want to connect with someone on multiple levels and feel comfortable with thim. I want to feel safe in someone else's arms, but I'm not going to be desparate. I have only dated two people and both times I found that I wasn't ready for a serious relationship. It's not that I am afraid of commitment, but I wasn't able to reach a certain level of comfort and familiarity with either person. The first time it was my fault, I just wasn't ready. The second time I partly blame Eddy. He must have been desparate for love because he proclaimed his for me on the second day (three days after we first met). Is it just me or is that not sane? In any case I've decided that it would be best to wait until I'm in college. There's a better chance that I will be ready for a realtion ship then. Well, it's getting kind of late so I better go to bed. I'll try to be more consistent in my posts too. Thanks for reading!