I find myself here again

At one point, during either my sophomore or junior year in high school, I suddenly realized that I had changed. Without noticing I had become shallow and almost insensitive. I had stopped reflecting on life and had lost much of the insight I had previously gained on the subject. My perceptiveness had narrowed its focus to things closer to the surface. I know all of this sounds a little vague, but let's just say that I suddenly noticed I wasn't as aware of how I or felt or how others were feeling. I started objectifying other people, not seeing them for more than their surface value. I wasn't completely to that point, but uncomfortably close.

After I realized that I was becoming shallow I made a point of undoing the damage. I once again let my thoughts wander beyond what projects I had to finish or what I was going to do on the weekend. It's important to me that I don't loose touch with who I am. Who I am is more than who I hang out with, what clothes I wear, or what hobbies I pursue. I know that, but I keep finding myself getting swept up into this fast-paced world, leaving a key part of myself behind.

One of my best friends has stopped turning to me when she needs help. I don't blame her. The last few times she's tried I've been too distracted to offer any advice or just unable to come up with any input. I used to always have something to say, something that I thought would be helpful. I used to be willing to leave school and miss class, just to go help a friend in need. What happened to me? Why don't I have anymore insight? When did I lose it again?

Is it okay...to realize I'm not becoming a person that I want to be...and hate myself for it?

Also, I like the color green alot.