I know no one really cares about his, but I thought I would point it out anyway.

Short Version:

New- Randomly displayed title image

Long Version:

Some of you may have noticed a little while ago that I made a new title image for my blog. I realized that, while I really like the new one, I missed the old one. I finally came up with a creative solution. Each time you load the page one of the title images is randomly selected and then displayed. Yay for Javascript! If you want to see a different one just reload the page until it shows up.

I've added two new features to my blog's sidebar (Yay!):

Blog Chat (link)
-Chat with other people viewing this blog (maybe even me)
-Post a message for everyone to read
Blog Counter (link)
-See how popular my blog is

You can find them both towards the bottom of the sidebar just before the blogger logo.

College is a time in the life of a young adult where they get a taste of what it means to be independent and self-reliant. For many, it is their first time living on their own and having to do things such as cooking and cleaning. It gives them the opportunity to experience these aspects of life while still keeping close ties to their family.

Before May 1, I have to accept a spot at one of the colleges that accepted me. This means I have a very short amount of time to make a decision that could have a profound effect on the rest of my life. For the past week or so I have been visiting different Universities trying to get an idea of how I might fit into the different environments that each provides. Last Saturday I drove to Austin with my family and took a tour of the University of Texas. The tour guide, who I believe was a senior, was short with tan skin and dark hair. She seemed congenial, speaking loudly and with a confident tone in her voice, but she didn’t seem to take her job very seriously. Almost absent-mindedly, she took us through the four malls surrounding the bell tower at the center of campus, naming several buildings and departments as she pointed in their general direction. The tour guide didn’t provide much background information on the school and most of what she did say wasn’t very relevant to whatever location we happened to have stopped at. We did go into a few buildings, including the business school and student recreation center. Overall, the tour wasn’t that bad, but it didn’t give me a very good idea of what it would be like to be a student at UT. Regardless of this, I was still generally impressed by the school.

After we visited UT, my family and I drove down to San Antonio and spent the night at my aunt’s house. On Sunday we drove around the campus at Trinity University so my dad could see it because he had to fly back to Texarkana later that day. Being located in the hill country, it really was a beautiful campus, but it was quite small. Walking around campus there reminded me a lot of walking around Brookhaven or Richland College, except more areas had road access. When I picture a University, I envision something slightly more expansive. We also met up with a friend of the family that was a student there. He took us to his dorm room so that we could see what they were like and there we discussed different aspect about the school. I just want to note here how messy his dorm room was. I hope that I never let my dorm become such a mess. On Monday my mother and I returned to Trinity and attended a tour of the campus and I then interviewed with an admissions representative at the school. This time tour guide was a small, timid looking girl. She didn’t give of an air of confidence like the guide at UT did, but she was much more informative about the school. We didn’t see much of the campus because it was cloudy outside and the guide seemed convinced that it would unexpectedly start to rain in a nervous sort of way that made me think she might have been afraid of the rain. The admissions representative that I interviewed with was very adamant about small liberal art schools. He spent most of the interview highlighting the benefits of such schools in general, rather than just focusing on Trinity. He seemed genuine and did actually make several good points. I took his card at the end of the interview and went on my way.

Quite suddenly after we returned from San Antonio, one day to be exact, my mother and I flew to Arizona to look at Arizona State University. We flew in at about 11:30 and, after dropping our luggage off at the hotel, made it to the campus just in time for my 1:00 appointment with a representative from the Barrett Honors College at ASU. I was shocked when she handed me a full schedule of events for that afternoon and the next morning. She also tried to get me to hand in my application to the Honors College right there, but I told here that I still needed to print out my essay (which I had written on the airplane) before I could hand it in, which made her a little upset. After the meeting I spoke with someone from the department of computer science and academic counselor from the honors college. I then attended an honors class, The Human Event. The class was very interesting and stimulating. We discussed a book they had read, “The Way of Man” by Martin Buber, but I won’t get into all of that. That night I polished my essay so that I could hand it in the next day and then went to bed early. The next morning, at 9:00, I met with an undergraduate admissions representative to discuss the terms of the scholarship they had awarded me. I then went on a whirlwind tour of the school. Okay it was actually pretty leisurely and I got separate tours of both the honors college and the main campus. The dorms weren’t as nice as the ones at Trinity, which all had balconies, but I can deal with that. The campus was pretty big, a fifteen minute walk from one side to the other, and the computer science building was off-campus. Also, there has to be something said about a school that has a Chick-fil-a and a Jamba Juice right on campus.

I’m having a really hard time deciding which school I like the best. It’s easier to compare UT and ASU because they’re similar, but Trinity is very different from the two. I’m kind of leaning towards ASU because it is somewhere new, I really want to experience somewhere other than Texas, and I have a friend that will be going there as well. My parents are pushing for Trinity because they’re confident about it’s educational program and it’s close. They want me to stay close. I’m trying to make a fair decision, that’s why I haven’t responded to any of the school’s yet. I guess we’ll see in a few days.

“Mom, does God ever make mistakes?”
“I don’t know honey. Why would you ask something like that?”
“Because I think he made a mistake with me. I think God should have made me a girl.”
"Why do you say that?"
"Because my mind tells me I'm not like other boys."

Many of the events that have a large impact on one’s life happen casually. The moment I came out as being homosexual was one such event. When I was only three years old, I had the above conversation with my mother. Apparently, I developed some sort of insight into my life that I quickly forgot. So many things that took place in my life were building up to the moment I finally came out.

In grade school, I had very few close friends. I had always felt that I was different and out of place. The other guys saw me as sensitive and weak. Even my best friend, who had lived across the street from me for years, would try to hide our friendship from our classmates. It wasn’t until 4th or 5th grade that I discovered how much easier it was for me to befriend the girls in my class and how much more I preferred their company and at that time it didn’t occur to me that there could have been an explanation for it.

Toward the beginning of 7th grade I learned what a gay person was. Two boys in my class, Rafael and Vladimir, often made a joke of pretending to hit on each other or other guys. Not only did I learn what homosexuality was, but I also learned that it was something that people didn’t like. Later that year I realized the truth of my own sexuality when Rafael was pretending to hit on me and rather than making me laugh or feel uncomfortable, it felt right. I cried for the rest of the week.

When I started the 10th grade I was already feeling much more secure than I had the previous year. I had finally learned to recognize sarcasm and to take it with a grain of salt. I had finally learned the benefits of constructive criticism. But one thing I was still sensitive about were jokes directed at me about being gay. I believed that they were directed at me because people recognized who I was… that I was gay, and I took it personally. It never crossed my mind that I could tell anyone and they would be ok with it, but it was eating me up on the inside. I finally caved under the pressure. It happened when I was playing The Sims Online™ with my best friend. She used her female character to hit on another female character and when I asked her if she thought it was weird she said no. I then typed in the words “Michelle I have to tell you something…I’m gay” and pressed the enter key. At that point, my life changed. I no longer had to fear what other people saw in me and I was able to let go of the anxiety that had been building up in me for many years. Since that point, I have been unhindered in my pursuits and have felt a much more successful person.

I couldn't tell you how many times I've been asked that question. You would think though, that I would have had enough practice trying to answer it by now that I could offer a decent explanation. The truth is, most of the time the answer to that question escapes even me. I think the reason used to be that I've always been "the responsible one". I never break rules...I go out of my way to avoid conflict. Refraining from drinking was just part of that role. I think the reason has changed somewhat though. Not drinking is part of my innocence. Sometimes, in fact most of the time, it feels like the only part of my innocence that is left and I cling to it like my life depends on it. I have done things that I am not proud of. I've lost my virginity...I've hooked up. I have had unsafe sex (something I will never do again). I've lied to my parents. I've lied to myself. (it feels good to admit these things, but please don't hold them against me). I guess it feels like not drinking is something that I can be proud of...and I'm afraid that if I discontinue that there will be nothing left.

A lot of times when I'm driving by myself, especially at night, I have the urge to just slam the gas pedal to the floor. To drive as fast as I can to somewhere far away. The destination doesn't matter, I just want to fly down the road and not look back. I would never do something like this though...speeding is against the law...so it wouldn't be responsible.

I hate being lonely. I hate leaving school, a friend's, or a party, because I don't want to go home and be alone. I can deal with being alone, but I wish it didn't happen so often. A lot of the time I just want someone to sit with, to cuddle with, to make out with, or just to be around, but don't get the wrong idea...I won't cuddle or make out with just anyone, it has to be the right person.

You Have A Type B+ Personality
B+

You're a pro at going with the flow
You love to kick back and take in everything life has to offer
A total joy to be around, people crave your stability.

While you're totally laid back, you can have bouts of hyperactivity.
Get into a project you love, and you won't stop until it's done
You're passionate - just selective about your passions

I didn't realize that this let me post in your blog!
I was looking at mine, and thinking, "I don't remember titling a post hoopyllehcim.."
Ross is the best!

At least I'm used to it now

I didn't get accepted to Harvey Mudd College either...oh well. I guess I'll be going to ASU for at least one semester.