Hey everyone. I just wanted to post this ad up for my school. To everyone who is reading this, Walden has been my home for the past 3 and a half years and I couldn't imagine having spent my high school years anywhere else. Everyone there is open-minded and friendly, all of the faculty and administration are laid back and understanding. If you're a high school student who's looking for something different, give Walden a chance.

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A suprise came in the mail today. I recieved an official letter of acceptance from Trinity University. I began to read it aloud to my mother. After the first paragraph I read this:

In addition, we are pleased to offer you the $9,000 Trustees' Scholarship in recognition of your academic achievements. This scholarship is renewable annually for four years, for a total award of $36,000, granted you maintain a 3.0 cumulative grade point average as a full-time student...

When I read this I was shocked. I never thought I was going to be awarded any scholarships (I didn't even bother to apply for any), I was just worried about getting accepted to any colleges. My mom was bouncing off the walls and calling everyone she knew (she can be a little dramatic, I think that's where I inherited it from :-p). I was planning on going to ASU if I didn't get into Rice, but how can I turn down a scholarship? This is going to get even more complicated if I get that full-scholarship to Harvey Mudd College. Oh well, life goes on.

I often tell myself that I am unique, that I stand out from the crowd, but what good does that do if people don't notice. I'm not saying that nobody notices, because if that was the case then I wouldn't really be unique would I? It's just frustrating and somewhat depressing when you find yourself attracted to people that don't even know you're there. I can't figure out why this happens to me. I guess if I look at it psychologically it could be that there's an attraction to the unattainable, but that doesn't help me solve the problem. My last "boyfried" was crazy about me and that only scared me away, partly because he didn't know me that well so I felt his feelings were a bit premature. Well, I certainly can't solve this problem, but if you have any ideas please share them with me.

Colby just asked me to marry him. He promised me the luxury of having a goldfish and an open marriage. Sorry Colby.

Good news! I just got my first letter of acceptance from a university! It was from Trinity University, which isn't really on the list of schools that I'm dying to go to, but at least I know I have somewhere to go. I'm not expecting to hear from my choice schools until the end of May. My day has been pretty uneventful other than that. I'll post again if anything exciting happens.

Our paths in life are varied. They are full of unexpected twists and turns, and that's part of what makes life exciting. It's nice to idealize about going for the ride and enjoying every bit of it, but in my life that is never the case. If I sit idly and wait for things to happen, they don't. Only when I take an active role in my life and make things happen does it start to get exciting. I have to make things happen and I have to stop fearing that they might be bad. They inevitably will, but to find the best in life it is necessary to take chances. On my path I have chosen to take the road less traveled. That's what the title of my blog is about. It's about straying from the social norm and letting my individual personality stand out. To everyone who makes an effort to conform to a social standard I just want to let you know what you're missing out on. It is possible for everything you experience in life to be meaningful and worthwhile. I'm not saying that you can't enjoy life by just going along for the ride, but there's so much more. For those of you who feel like you are stuck in a rut, again, a path is merely a path. You have to choose which one you want to be on and you have to take the steps. It's not always easy but it's the best way to get somewhere.

Oh and I've been hanging out with Matt a little bit as well. Matt is cool. Hopefully we'll eventually get to go hang out with Zack and Chris Joe like we said we would. That is all.

So I've been hanging out with Croy and David a lot lately, which has been pretty cool. For those of you that don't know, Croy is my ex (well technically we never reached "boyfriend" status according to Croy, but I still consider him an ex for simplicity's sake) and David is his boyfriend. Suprisingly, David and I get along really well, at least I think we do. Sometimes I wonder if he secretly hates me, but I'm probably just being paranoid. Croy and I get along well too, but I wasn't suprised by that so I didn't mention it before, but I digress. I believe the subject of this post was intended to be one of Croy's ongoing jokes. Every time I see or talk to him he jokes about or makes a reference to a threesome involving David, him, and me. Now, the joke itself doesn't really bother me but as Croy always said, "There's a little truth behind every joke." It's hard for me to believe that one that comes up so frequently doesn't fall under this category. So now it comes to this: If Croy want's a threesome, what makes him think that he can get it. Do I come off as a person who would be into that sort of thing? My friend Eddi said that he wouldn't be suprised if I did do it. I guess I'm not that opposed to that sort of thing, but I didn't think it was that obvious to everyone. The truth is, regardless of how I feel about threesomes, I wouldn't get involved here. I still have feelings for Croy so such escapades would only end up hurting someone. Yes I said i still have feelings for him, but I am very happy for him and David. I do not cling to a hope that there is a future for us. In fact, even if his realtionship with David didn't work out, at this point I still wouldn't go for another attempt with Croy. I feel like that would be a sort of betrayal to David and I always do my best to be a good friend. Betrayal and good friend don't mix, so I draw the line there. Alright, I'm beginning to fell that this post is loosing all coherence so I'll quit while I'm behind. Peace out.

Why is love so messed up?

I feel sad and I don't know why.

Everything around me is delivering this message to me quite clearly:
Love never works out, relationships never work out, love is transitory and fleeting.

I think my sister and her boyfriend are going to break up. She called me earlier. She was drunk. She talks to me when she is drunk, which I don't mind because then I know she is being honest. She told me that their two year aniversary is coming up in a few days and she is not happy with their relationship. Apparently John says that he is and always will be "emotionally solo." He treats their relationship as shallow and superficial. He won't open up to her and doesn't listen when she opens up to him. I don't understand how she could have fallen in love with him if she wasn't close to him. I thought the two things went hand in hand. It's a shame, I like John, but I want my sister to have someone who knows and appreciates how unique and special she is.

After talking to my sister I started to look at other relationships around me. First my parents. I have never seen any evidence that they share any sort of connection. My mom is always nagging my dad and my dad is always appeasing my mom just to get her to shut up. It's possible that any romance they share is a well kept secret. My friends have all been in unhealthy relationships. Deborah's boyfriends have all been jealous and controlling. Her current boyfriend makes her call him all of the time just so he can guilt her and argue with her, yet somehow she is in love with him. Most of my friends are or have been in volatile or unhealthy relationships where they were "in love." I don't get it. Is this what will happen if and when I fall in love? I certainly don't want someone to argue with. I guess I will find out when it happens, assuming I eventually find someone.