Arizona Trip- Kissing Rock
Originally uploaded by RossGGG.

This is one of my favorite pictures out of all of the ones that I took while I was in Arizona. I took it while we were on a jeep tour through the hills overlooking the valley that Sedona lies in. I just thought I'd share it with everyone. I'm in the process of uploading the Arizona pictures to my Flickr account, but until then, if you want, you can look at the ones I have on Yahoo!.

I just read a post on my friend's blog about how they feel out of place at "straight" parties. It made me start to think about where I feel out of place. It's funny, because while he feels so much more comfortable at gay parties, I think that's where I feel the most out of place. All of the guys there are part of a group that I don't really belong to. While I am gay, I've never been able to communicate with the people there, and no group of people has made me feel less secure about myself. When I'm at straight parties I never feel like people are judging me. Everyone is just there to have fun with there friends. I have fun talking to all of my friends and meeting new people. Most of the faces are familiar though, it's not like I've just been thrown into a room of strangers. With most of the people there I've usually had a chance to meet them beforehand in a smaller environment. I guess it ultimately comes down to the fact that I never really knew the people at the gay parties I went to, so I felt alone. I don't mind though, it's just not my crowd. I can live with that.

Nothing really exciting has happened since my last post, but I've been told that I need to update my blog. I'm really not liking this whole process of having to do all of my Calculus homework the day before it's due because I procrastinated on it. I know I shouldn't procrastinate, but It's just something that I've always done. A lot of people do it really, it must be human nature.

I went to lunch with my sister and my mom today. The whole time my sister was in a bad mood because she decided that she was fat. Lauren has always been a little self-concious about her weight, but I'd never seen her so upset about it. The truth is, she isn't even remotely overweight. She's one of those skinny sorority girls who looks good in everything. She's naturally really pretty. Everyone thinks so. I don't understand why she isn't happy with the way she looks when so many other girls would probably kill to look like her. Then again, I guess I do understand, because I'm the same way. A lot of guys tell me that I'm "cute" or "hot" and more often then not I don't believe them. The first thing that I think when someone tells me that is "But I don't have biceps or a six-pack." I guess those aren't requirements for being attractive, but I always feel like I come up short. Although, at least in that way I'm modest. Hot or not I still want a six-pack.

I know it's been awhile since I've posted, but my summer has been pretty uneventful. I've actually seen my friends a lot less since school ended, which is weird because none of my friends except for Deborah) went to my school. Part of that is my fault because I've been busy doing things, but they're boring things. It seems like everyone is always busy now.

My computer broke so I bought a new one with the rest of my graduation money. This time around I decided to try something different, so I bought an iMac G5. I really like it. I had an iBook in the seventh grade because my school used Macintosh computers. I ended up getting rid of it because it had a slow processor and a really small hard drive, but I always missed Mac OS X since then.

I think I'm going to just give up on guys until I get to college. No one really wants to get involved in a relatioship with someone that is about to move to another state. My friends tell me that I should find a summer fling...

"If you want something to happen with [insert name here] then just wait until you're alone in a room together and make a move. He's not going to make the first move, he's being polite."

If he's being polite then it's because he knows a fling probably isn't appropriate in this situation. He's right, I don't want a fling...I want something deeper than that. I find it really hard to be upfront and honest with a guy about how I feel about him because I'm afraid of rejection. It also really annoys me when I know what I want and who I want it from, but the other guy isn't to sure what he wants, or he knows what he wants but doesn't necessarily care if it involves me. I'm very aware that people can't help who they like. If I could help who I liked, I would like immediately choose the people that I knew liked me and none of this confusion would ever happen. Please just let college arrive as soon as possible.

I went on a trip to Jefferson last weekend with my friends Sohaila, Chelsea, and Mitra. I guess Luke and Omid are my friends too so I'll include them. Anyways, it was a lot of fun. Jefferson isn't what you would consider a very exciting place, but I always have so much fun with Sohaila and the rest of the gang.

Sohaila is an awesome friend, she's always there for me and she makes me feel like she's really glad to have me around. We always make all of these plans to do crazy/fun stuff and then we can't really find anything crazy/fun to do, but we always have a good time. We also act really stupid around each other, she really helps me cut loose and just relax. For someone who is only sixteen, she sure does like to take a lot of naps though.

Mitra is so funny. She can take any situation and make it humorous. One night we were sitting in the hotel room and Mitra was in the shower. We could all hear her banging around and making all sorts moans and grunts as if she was completing the most difficult task of her life. It was her way of saying "These showers suck." without actually saying it, although she did say it later. They did too, but I don't really feel like explaining why. But yeah, she's really blunt and I love her for it.

Chelsea is Sohaila's Crandall sidekick, or maybe Sohaila is Chelsea's sidekick. I don't know which way it is, but when the two of them get together good times are had. I guess you could call them "partners in crime" because they're always up to no good, but it's harmless. Chelsea always has a funny story to tell. She also has connections everywhere. I'm serious, just name a place and she'll start telling you all of the people she knows there. One last thing about her, she is not afraid to kick ass so don't piss her or any of her friends off, she will come get you.

Alright, that's enough randomness for today. I'm out.

All the small things

I realized that for the past few weeks I've been so worried about certain people liking me and being lonely that I started to forget all of the things in life I enjoy so I decided to make a list of them to try and stay positive. These are some of the things that I like:

• Finding the right flavor jellybean
• Sitting in the bathtub while taking a hot shower
• Seeping while doing the previously mentioned thing
• Finding a four-leaf clover in a clover patch
• The occasional moments when I feel confident about myself
• Floating down a lazy river in an inner-tube
• Waking up in the morning without the aid of an alarm clock
• Freshly baked cookies
• Weddings
• Hanging out with friends
• Buying gadgets
• Hearing from someone I haven't talked to in a long time
• Getting an email that's not spam
• Laying out in the sun (especially at the beach)
• Summer vacations in Florida
• Scooby Doo
• [more coming soon]